Lost In Beauty-

Monday, June 18, 2007

Whoa man. Right after 4th May... which was the end of my exams which signals my graduation from year 1, speaking of which, all glory to Jesus! Cos' I didn't fail a single module! My course has been such a challenge for the past year. Not only it wasn't my forte, but it was a very tiring major. Studying computer engineering was like encountering a foreign language. It was such a struggle and you won't believe the thoughts that race through my mind everytime I attempt to accomplish the task I was set to do. Everything seemed hopeless, and it didn't help that my seniors were telling me that the mathematics that I took was famous because many people failed while taking the subject. They said that it was the most difficult maths in all the 4 years. I really thank God for God. Without him, I honestly did not know how I survived. It's because of Jesus, that kept me going and I even grew to enjoy the subjects at times. Results were released during Adventure Camp itself.

Speaking of Adventure Camp, haha I JUST CAME BACK FROM DARE ADVENTURE CAMP!!! (8th - 11th June) WHOO HOO! Gosh, it was my first adventure camp. And what an experience indeed. At times, it was uncomfortable because it was like dying to flesh. The camp was so out of my comfort zone! To lead my group running for about 2.5 km to rescue our mascot (for someone like me, who failed 2.4km last time), to dive into the sauce pool full of oil, scrambled eggs, foul-smelling sauce and other gross contents... it was so not me! I was someone who detested outdoor camps, sweating it out under the sun... and I can't believe it, I really did enjoy the camp alot! There were times that I felt so inadequate to lead the group, but I kept learning, throughout the camp, that it was not about me... but all about God.

Nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him.

During the first night of the camp, Pastor Daniel asked all the leaders to go out and pray for the youths, but I didn't go forth. To tell the truth, I was afraid. I did not know what to do, what to say, and how to pray for the youths. I felt condemned, but I thank God it was for awhile only. Cos' I was gently reminded by Daddy God that my job is just to avail myself to Daddy God and He will do the praying. He will put words of wisdom in my mouth and it's His anointing that will touch lives. All I have to do is to follow his leading. Wow. And guess what? I thought I missed the opportunity but nooo, Daddy is so good.

On the second night, Pastor Dan asked for the leaders to come up and he prayed a short but powerful prayer over every single one of us. He prayed for a new anointing to come over me. After I got up, he asked all of us to go among the youths, to lay hands on them with anointing oil. I was like, stunned... but remembered that I told God I want to follow his leading. So I did... and it was awesome. The first two precious girls that I prayed for were slained. I was shocked. I used to be hesitant about praying for people because I thought I couldn't. I had no confidence but now I realised it really has nothing to do with me or whatsoever. When you avail yourself, just let God flow in you. And you will witness such wonder. I moved on and prayed for a few more girls and I was amazed at what God spoke to them. One sobbed, totally touched by the anointing of God. God is so real man!

I was really touched by what the youths shared with me during section fellowshipping. The things they shared were astounding. Beverly, Sam, Rosabelle, Kezia, Jolyn and the rest... I was really amazed at their level of maturity and at what God was doing in their life. I actually teared at one part of their testimony sharing. It has to do with giving tuition to them right after my exams. Immediately after my exams was their exams, and that was why I didn't have much time to help them. Only about one to two days. And I was wondering even why am I even offering to help them. I didn't think that it will make much difference at all. But gosh, even now as I'm typing this, I remembered saying a prayer over the youths at the start of tuition. And God really did come true for us during the little time I had; Kezia and Rosabelle testified to that during the Adventure Camp. Rosabelle scored extremely high for those science questions stating that what I taught her came out! And Kezia told me before the tuition, she will fail her science. But after tuition, she scored for science because the topics that I went through actually came out! I was just wowed away by what God did.

Oya... then during the camp itself, my caregroup leader, Tim Ang, sent me an sms, asking me how I did for my exams. It was then that I realised EXAMS RESULTS WERE OUT! Strangely enough, I did not feel worried. I knew that since I was at camp, Jesus will take care of everything back at home. And when I went home to check my results, my coursemate told me that she failed 2 subjects and have to re-take again. I quickly checked my results and was thoroughly amazed. I passed every modules! Including the infamous maths module! And the funny thing was, the programming course (the one course that was my greatest challenge) actually scored higher than my other subjects that I was more fluent in! Gosh, never imagined the day that my Java would do better than my others! All glory to Jesus!

Really learnt so much that past month. In fact, about 2 weeks before the camp, I had the most tiring week in my life. One after another, youths came to me with all their problems. Problems that seemed so foreign to me because I realised now, that I've been so blessed by the Lord. Was really sheltered with a good family that I never fully appreciate because of their faults. No family is perfect. But if you hear the stories my youth told... you will shudder. Not the Dare Youths, but my other youths. The youths in Dare are really blessed and you can see the difference. Because they have God in their lives. But those street youths... my heart really goes out to them. During that week, I found myself so involved in their lives. Even hysterical parents came to find me in the middle of the night, and it got so bad that policemen even came to my house. What an experience. I really felt like I was living in a drama show. But through it all, I really grew alot. And I really truely thank God, from the bottom of my heart, for His faithful presence. I witnessed how terrible lost people are feeling without knowing the love of Jesus. They are living a life like hell on earth. Truely, I feel so blessed by Jesus. For without Him, I truely would not have survived.

Wow, as I looked back on what I have written, I realised that it's alot. Cos' I just didn't find the time to write all these that has been on my heart. But I have to, because I don't want to forget God's faithfulness to me. Haha, it's really like one event after another... cos' after all these, the camp... was DA ZONE concert! (15th June) Planetshakers from Australia came to town and so more than 7000 tickets were sold up! Almost 300 youths went up to receive Christ into their lives. And they will never be the same again. Because...

without Jesus, you have absolutely nothing at all.
It is with Jesus, that you have everything.

It was so good seeing all my ex-students again. They came for the concert and I had so much fun with them! Praise Jesus for them. Whoa, what a busy life man. But as with each step that I take, I learnt sooo much!

I thank you Jesus, for everything.
And for being my everything.

the beauty exposed ;