Lost In Beauty-

Saturday, July 28, 2007

GOsH, i cAN't beLIEVe iT. i reALLy caN'T.

Coach Kev very kindly asked me to lead daregroup (aka caregroup) session today. I was like... WHAT?? when I first heard it. Cos' I led the dg session once before Adventure Camp in June, and I felt like I didn't do well at all... probably because I was so self conscious of self performance. And it's true when you are conscious of self... what you do become works... and you need grace (which is full of God, and none of self). That time, cos my overseer was there too, plus another adult leader... and I was SUPER DUPER conscious of myself... cos sooo many people was watching me as I shared for dg. I was wondering why I can't lead dg when there was lesser people, why when I have to lead, there has to be sooo many people around??!! So I felt like I did a pretty poor job of leading the session. Can you imagine, when I closed the prayer, I actually blanked out?? I was like... " Thank you, Daddy for such an awesome session today... erm... *silence*....*giggles from my dear youths*...then *whispers from Coach Joy to ignore them*....and I continued, thank you Daddy for...erm...*silence*..." See how bad it was??? I was super embarrassed. Haha come to think of it. But it all came about because I was really conscious of myself, conscious of ending the session with a good and powerful prayer, and just forgetting that a simple prayer, a simple one, right from your heart, for the youths, is the most powerful one.
And so, today was my 2nd opportunity in leading the dg session. And this time, I really spoke to the Lord about it. Told Him that I didn't want the youths to waste their saturday listening to me blubber, and leave the same as they came. And He showed me that He will speak to His beloveds through me. I don't have to worry at all. I don't. Just leave it to Him. And so there I was, right after the worship session, sometimes feeling abit fidgety, sometimes calm and feeling a peace... lol but when it came to the time to speak, (whoa, so dramatic isn't it? lol) I just went and was in the flow! The message was about being significant to God. Knowing that you are significant to the One who truely matters and you are everything to Him. I just spoke from the heart, and I could feel at some point, Daddy was speaking through me to them! It was so sweet, and at the same time, truely awesome. And it's true, when you let go, and just let God, wow. It's awesome. Of course, at some times, some self-consciousness tried to seep in, but then, it went away supernaturally again! Sitting there on the stool, facing 20 over youths, I knew by the grace of God, that they got something out of today's session. Not by what I said, but because of Daddy's presence, speaking into their lives. All glory to Jesus!

the beauty exposed ;